was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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