oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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