did you get engaged???
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
