But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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