No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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