i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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