I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
