Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
