I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
