if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
