my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I touched a dick in church today
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