somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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