can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
