woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
