halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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