Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
