i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
