I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
