bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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