Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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