thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
