Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
