Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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