Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
