Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize