Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
