Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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