Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
