if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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