Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
