On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
