Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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