I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
