you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
