: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
