You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
