The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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