Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
