Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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