Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
