So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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