Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
