I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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