Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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