So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
