.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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