I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
