It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
