I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
