This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
