I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
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